Smoke in a Bottle
by Teruragi
Summary: Love is like smoke. It is hard to capture and hold. If you are ever to contain it, you will be able to have that love forever. But what happens when someone comes and opens up the container you so carefully kept? Warning: Deathfic


**A/N: Welcome to another 'Ragi fic. So I have always loved the relationship between Kaoru and Hikaru, both cannon and fan-based. Their love towards each other in both situations is deep and meaningful. When asked who I like better, Hikaru or Kaoru, I can never truly decide. It is as Kaoru as has said: they are the same being yet their own entities at the same time. The struggle of these two may not be relatable but it is easy to be empathetic. In my mind's eye, this is what Kaoru really is. Anyways… please enjoy.**

**Warning: Death fic**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club and I never shall.**

Hikaru. Kaoru. We are one in the same. I can look into the mirror and see his face and yet mine as well. The person who is Hikaru is self-confident. He can look towards the future, set his course, all on his own. I can rely on him to always be there when I need him. Of course, he's a little brash with his words and tends to get angered by the simplest of things.

On the other hand, I don't know what to do with myself when my other half is gone. I can hardly eat when he's away. I can't sleep at night without his warmth beside me. For my entire life, Hikaru has been my father, my mother, my best friend, and at times, he is me. To those on the outside, I may seem independent and confident like him but I'm far from it. Hikaru is the only reason I can put a smile on my face. My brother is my life.

Yet… I can feel him drifting away. He's like a wisp of smoke trapped in a jar. All my life, that jar has been kept close to my heart. I have never let it stray far from me. But now… things are changing. Someone else has screwed the lid off the jar and the smoke is slowly drifting towards freedom. Soon, he will be gone and I'll be left holding an empty glass container. It will be the home of nothing but sorrow and loneliness. The smoke will dissipate until it can never be gathered up again.

I am selfish though. I want to keep him all to myself. My brother is my lifeline.

"Ok Kaoru! I'm off to go see Haruhi! If you need me don't hesitate to call me." Hikaru is beaming. His eyes (my eyes?) are glowing with such intensity. I've never seen him so happy. He wraps his arms (my arms?) around me and I want the moment to last forever. Hikaru is happy. He doesn't need me as much as I need him. His warmth, his smell, his magnificent smile… I treasure them all. They need to belong to me.

"Bye Hikaru. Take care." He lets go of me and exits out of the door. In an instant, the jar I keep close to my heart is emptied. There is a wispy tendril still close enough to latch onto though and pull back. All I need to do is tell Hikaru to stay and he will. He will agree to keep himself locked in the jar for me. Still, my entire life, I have been selfish. I have kept him locked up but now I need to let him free. In an instant, the smoke drifts off far enough to the point where I will never be able to rein him back. Hikaru is gone.

Do I hate Haruhi? In a way, yes. She has, knowingly or not, stolen my dear brother from me. I will never be able to forgive her. But also, I want to thank her for what she has done. She has showed Hikaru that there is more to life than me and him. Not everything has to be so dark. She has opened the jar and has shown him that there is more to life than being stuck with me.

I make my way up all too familiar steps and find myself on the top floor deck of the mansion. I make my way to the railing and look down. It's a good ten story drop and at the very bottom I can see Hikaru entering the limo in order to pick Haruhi up and have an enjoyable day. The sun is beginning to set in the west and rich red, orange, and pink hues are filling the sky. The sight is gorgeous. There is a faint breeze carrying the soft scent of the distant ocean. It's such a beautiful night. I suppose, if I disappear from this world today I wouldn't be upset. It is almost like the world is going to show me off with a smile.

The tears begin to rain down my face before I can stop them. Hikaru is gone. I can never truly get him back. I will have to retire to my own bed tonight, and tomorrow, and for the rest of my life. I will need to find a way to pass the time without my dear second half by my side. There is no way I'll be able to live with myself. Hikaru is lucky. He is a person by himself, he can survive. But not me. No, I am only half of a person. We are the same height, we are identical, we were born on the same day, and yet… we couldn't be more different. The wind strengthens its speed and tears are lifted off of my face and into the sky. Like smoke, they fade from view.

Is it unhealthy, this love of mine? Hikaru is my brother and I have been with him since the beginning of time. I have planned my entire future around Hikaru and what he wants because there is nothing else I would rather do. Though, I suppose, it is only natural to want to keep things you treasure close to you but there is a saying. It is a saying that I often think about but refuse to accept. Sometimes you can love something so much that you have to let it go. I suppose that is what I've just done. I have let him slip from my grasp into a world that he will be able to mold by himself.

I am only going to drag Hikaru down with my existence. I will always want to live in the past even though he will strive for the future. It isn't right of me to let him go only to destroy him. The only solution at hand then is to leave the Earth and find a new dimension where I cannot harm my dear Hikaru. I know of only one place that will make that happen…

What am I thinking? I'm being suicidal… But… the tears have stopped falling. I am convinced that I'd be doing the right thing by killing myself. I won't fight to try and have Hikaru all to myself anymore. Perhaps I should say goodbye to him. I pick up my phone and call Hikaru. The phone rings once before a mechanical female voice answers the phone.

"The number you have called is either out of service range or turned off. To try again, press five or to leave a message, speak after the beep." There is a pause and a sound cuts into my eardrum. It's a sound that I have heard before. A beep. Hikaru has turned his cell phone off. I suppose I can't blame him. He is going on date with Haruhi and it would be rude to have to answer a call from me. There is a silence after the beep, recording the wind whistling by. The tears won't stop running from my eyes.

"Hikaru…" He will not answer. I will never be able to hear his voice again… "I just wanted to say that I love you…" I care for my brother. He has always kept me grounded. "When you get home, I will be dead. I know this is a bit strange but please understand I'm doing this for you." The wind blows again, harsher than before, and I shut my phone.

The sky darkens but I do not move from my place by the deck railing. Stars dot the black ceiling like the tears of angels preserved in space. When I die, will I be able to see those stars? Will I be floating among them? How is it possible that something that is so far away from the world seems so close? I will never understand how the universe works. Even if I spend my entire time in eternity studying, I will never be able to grasp the pure vastness of the night sky. Hopefully, though, I will be a new star, shining bright and making sure that Hikaru is safe from any harm.

I make my way back down to the ground floor. All of the servants are bustling about, making sure that the manor is clean before bed. They don't seem to notice as I slip into the kitchen and grab a knife. It is shined to perfection. The serrated edge hurts to even look at. I couldn't hope for a better weapon. Something about it seems so pure. This is for the best anyways… Hikaru doesn't need me even though I need him. There is no use in weighing him down.

I head to the bathroom me and Hikaru share. Once there, I sit on the floor with my back against the cool tiled wall. Ever since we were babies, we would bathe together. Now, we will never share the private time together ever again. He is Hikaru. I am Kaoru. I point the knife at my heart and take a deep breath. I'm doing this to free Hikaru from my selfish desires.

The world goes black.

…

"Oh! Hold on Haruhi! I accidently turned my phone off!" Hikaru sets down his fork and knife and hurries to check his phone. "Kaoru called and left a message… Sorry Haruhi but I need to check this."

Hikaru excuses himself from the dining table and steps outside the restaurant to hear the message. What comes out of the phone leaves him speechless. Kaoru? Dead? That's impossible. Just to make sure, Hikaru calls his brothers phone but is left with nothing but a voicemail. Tears of fear and sadness prick at the corners of his eyes. Uncaring of Haruhi still at the table, Hikaru hails a cab and begins the long ride home, sobbing.

"Sir… Is something wrong?" The cab driver looks over at Hikaru, concerned but his question goes unanswered. He picks up the pace of a little and drops Hikaru off at the manor. When Hikaru offers up payment, the cab driver rejects it. "There's obviously something going on. Don't worry about it."

Hikaru wastes no time charging into the Hitachiin manor. He immediately comes across a servant. "Where is Kaoru?"

She looks at him with tired eyes. "I haven't seen him since you left, sir."

He doesn't even thank her as he climbs up the first set of stairs. He can't feel Kaoru's presence like normal. He feels no invisible tug of Kaoru's heart. All that is there is emptiness. Still, he gets the feeling that he knows where his brother is. Sure enough, he opens their bathroom door and sees Kaoru drenched in blood, slumped against the wall. There are tears frozen on his face. Hikaru flings himself onto his brother, his own tears streaming down his face like a waterfall.

A bloodcurdling wail passes through his lips. His soul bursts out of his body with his heartfelt scream. A part of his heart is severed, to be left floating for the rest of eternity. "Kaoru!" His cries are similar to that of a heartbroken mother who has lost her children. Hikaru cups his brother's face with his hand.

"Kaoru… You're so cold. You should take a warm shower so you won't get sick, ok? If you want I can get it started for you… Kaoru…"

Several concerned servants who could hear Hikaru rush to his aid to find the two twins in their current state. One of them faints at the sight. Hikaru wraps his fingers around those belonging to Kaoru. His unending stream of tears skews his vision but it doesn't matter. He cannot bear to see the knife protruding from Kaoru's chest.

He leans his forehead to that belonging to his mirror image. "I love you, Kaoru. I love you so much."

"Hikaru…" one of the servants whispers. "You need to let go of him. You need to get out of here." She rests a hand on his shoulder but Hikaru doesn't seem to notice. He sobs, not letting anyone separate them. It isn't until Hikaru cries himself to sleep before Kaoru is removed and all evidence is cleaned up.

When Hikaru wakes up, he finds no twin beside him. The bed has never seemed so big. His heart has never felt so empty. He makes his way to the dining room where the scent of breakfast originates. He sits at the table set for two. The only other person with Hikaru is his mother. She looks at him with red-rimmed eyes.

"I miss him too…"

Hikaru doesn't reply. He is too numb. The day passes by and all he does is lie on his bed, looking up at the ceiling. He can no longer feel sad. All that is left is a piercing emptiness. Just before the setting of the sun, his phone rings. For the first time since the night before, there is a flash of hope. _Perhaps it was a sick joke that Kaoru played and now he's calling to laugh at me!_

"Hello!"

"Hikaru… I heard what happened."

All at once, the hope explodes and is replaced with a deep depression. "Haruhi, I'm sorry for leaving you like that last night."

"Don't be. If you ever need someone to talk to I'm here okay?"

"Thank you Haruhi." Hikaru hangs up on her and flings an arm over his eyes. It is soon covered with warm tears. "Kaoru… Kaoru…" Hikaru begins to sob until his chest hurts. His body has shaken so much he can't control his muscles anymore. He takes a look out the window and sees the stars dancing in the sky. One of them… one of them may contain the soul of Kaoru.

"Star light… star bright…" Hikaru locks his sight on a single star, one with a faint orange red glow. It begins to blur as the tears take over once again. "Kaoru… Why did you leave me? Don't you know I can't live without you? How am I supposed to go through life without my other half by my side? If I can have only one wish in the entire world… it would be to have you back. Kaoru…"

Hikaru closes his eyes but he cannot get the image of Kaoru out of his head. In the following weeks, Hikaru does everything to make him look as different from Kaoru as possible. He cannot bear to look in the mirror and see his deceased brother staring back at him.

For once… Hikaru cursed the world. He may still be alive on the outside but on the inside there is nothing but sorrow.


End file.
